Many of us know what it’s like to be disliked. We know the feeling of being left out in a place we want to bond with, the stress of never feeling like we have somewhere to feel at home, the struggle of facing people who have a problem with our true selves. But dislike, and bullying, are two very different situations, and bullying is not just on a wider scale, but is far more traumatic than it may initially seem. Bullying is one of the worst things anyone can experience. The feeling of being isolated, abandoned and unwanted by our peers can stay with us for years, and oftentimes, it starts at school. Being a child and going through bullying is painful, especially at a time where you are building up your identity as a person. Bullying has such a large and heavy effect on a person’s mental health that it can affect the way they see themselves for an entire lifetime. The words and actions people inflict on us stick, and sometimes, they never go away. Bullying has usually been defined as a school issue, one that everyone goes through, and is usually met with the premise of “Bullying is bad, stop hurting people.” However, bullying and its effects on young people is never something to be nonchalant over or become trivialised, especially because it can have such long lasting and traumatic effects.
What is bullying?
According to the Anti-Bullying Alliance, bullying is defined as “the repetitive, intentional hurting of one person or group by another person or group, where the relationship involves an imbalance of power. It can happen face to face or online.” This power imbalance is important, as it is the key to what makes bullying so painful. A power imbalance can exist in the form of physical differences (race, gender, height, size, etc) or other differences (disability, mental health, introversion/extroversion, etc). Bullying also by definition is intentional, and is meant to cause hurt and pain to the individual being bullied.
What types of bullying are there?
Bullying can exist in different forms, and each type of bullying can be severe and have an impact on an individual’s life, both as a child, and as an adult. The types of bullying includes:
Physical: Physical bullying is often the most recognisable. It includes kicking, hitting, punching, throwing/flicking items at a person and destroying items. Physical bullying can go as far as seriously harming a person.
Verbal: Verbal bullying includes name-calling, insults, teasing, and deliberate criticism. Verbal bullying can sometimes seem like just banter, but it’s far more harmful. Things can even be said in such a way that only the victim of the bullying knows exactly how it is intended to hurt them, and to others, such as parents or teachers, it can seem like a regular conversation. You can usually recognise it by its consistency from one individual to another.
Emotional/Social: This kind of bullying oftentimes hurts the most, due to the fact that its nature is based around the fundamentals of friendships. Bullying like this is framed around exclusion and isolation, including leaving people out of groups, ditching a person when in a group, spreading rumors or damaging a person’s reputation. Some bullies will even claim that the person they are bullying is the bully, so that the trust amongst parents and teachers towards the child is broken. This kind of bullying is seen heavily among girls, and can go unnoticed by parents and teachers because of the nature of these friendship groups, but it is extremely damaging to a young person’s confidence.
Cyberbullying: Cyberbullying is one that is bassed online. It involves using the internet, in particular social media, phone calls, and technology, to threaten, tease, harrass and humiliate an individual. Forms of this can include harassing over social media, prank calls, doxxing (revealing a person’s private information such as full name, address, phone number, etc, online), and catfishing.
How can bullying affect a young person?
Bullying is something that can have a lasting effect on a person’s mindset and behaviour. Bullying can change a young person’s behaviour completely, from being happy, energetic, and well involved in school, to miserable, withdrawn, and scared of going to school.
Bullying can cause a young person to withdraw from school and social activities; to become isolated from their peers; to suffer from insomia or stop eating; to be extremely on edge and suddenly be unable to regulate their emotions; to beg to stay home from school; to begin to get lower grades, and do worse academically, when their grades were better in the beginning; to show signs of depression or anxiety; and to overall develop low self-esteem.
Bullying can also have more long term effects, such as self-harm or suicidal ideation.
Bullying: A Personal Experience
We heard the experience of a young person about how being bullied affected them.
“At first, I didn’t think what I was experiencing was bullying, because it was never physical. However, it was still painful. I dealt with people stealing money from me, throwing things at me, teasing the way I walked or talked, excluding me from groups. People who I thought were my friends would suddenly turn on me and try to fight me. They would try to take credit for my work.
I felt very alone, and I suffered with low self-esteem. I struggled to regulate my emotions, sometimes in school, which often didn’t help the situation. I would try to find safe places in the school, and I repeatedly asked to be homeschooled because I didn’t fit in.”
What do people believe about bullying?
Bullying is often met with many beliefs and myths, and as much as we now know about it, we still can have some beliefs about what bullying is really like, due to the way we have come to think of it. Here are some ideas about bullying that you may have had, or currently have, and the reality of their statements.
Bullying only takes place at school: The idea that bullying takes place only at school is a common one, and it stems from the belief that bullying is such a school issue. In reality, bullying can happen anywhere, from school, right up to university. Plus, with the prominence of social media, bullying can now take place evn without a perpetrator needing to be present.
Verbal/Social bullying is not that bad: All types of bullying are equally as bad as each other, and can (and do) all cause harm and pain to an individual. The scars the verbal and social bullying may leave are not as easily noticeable, because they are internal, but the pain that verbal and social bullying can cause is very real, and can have a strong effect on a person’s confidence.
Bullying is normal: Bullying is never a normal occurence. It is something that is unfortunately common, but not normal. Delivering deliberate physical or emotional pain towards another person is never correct, and should not be normalised.
A person deserves to be bullied: This thought and belief is often found online, and it attempts to justify hurting another person, which is never justifiable. No matter how different another person may be from someone, no matter their behaviour, bullying is wrong. Under all circumstances. It is not something that should ever happen to anyone, and to think that a person deserves to be mistreated is highly incorrect and hurtful.
If a person is being bullied, they shouldn’t tell anyone, because it will make it worse: Bullying is a terrifying thing to go through, especially when you are extremely scared of the person who is bullying you. However, you should always tell someone, because there is a chance that if you don’t, it will get worse. It may leave you feeling anxious to tell someone exactly what you have been experiencing, but the best thing to do is to tell a wise person you can trust.
What can you do to prevent bullying?
Bullying is not unstoppable. It is something that can be stopped, but the process needs to be consistent, as only trying to make one change or address one issue oftentimes does not last.
If you are being bullied, the first thing to know is that there is nothing wrong with you. You are not worthless because of how a person has decided to treat you. The second thing is to always, always, tell someone what is happening. It may seem terrifying, but telling someone you trust who can help is the best thing to do, as just keeping it to yourself can influence the bullying to continue. Try not to react to the bullying, and if you feel brave enough, tell the bully to stop. If you don’t feel ready to, the best thing to do is to walk away. A useful tip is to record the bullying. Have a written log of everything that has taken place to give to a trusted teacher or parent, so they know how serious this is. When you’re around the school, walk confidently and with your head up. This will show the bully that you are confident and unafraid, and they will hesitate to approach you.
If a bully is going to harm you physically, remember that your voice is the first signal of defence, and tell them to stop as loudly, and as confidently as you can. If you can't use your voice, and you have enough space to do so, walk, or run away, and alert a parent or teacher. If you are being cyberbullied, tell an adult straight away. Remember you can always block the individual hurting you online, and never share your personal information online, as it could be used against you.
If you are a teacher or parent, the most important thing you can do is to stay vigilant. Watch for any of the signs and behaviours listed in this article, and watch how your child behaves. A child or young person could easily be scared to tell you what is going on, because they are afraid of what will happen. Remind the young person that they need to talk to someone, even if it isn’t you. Keep an eye on friendship groups and behaviours, as the way children interact with each other can give you insight into the nature of the friendship. If a child tells you that they are being bullied, take the child seriously, but also talk to other trusted children and friends of the child to assess the situation.
If you need to call for help or advice, you can call the National Bullying Helpline on 0300 323 0169, and the NSPCC on 0808 800 500.
Bullying is serious, and it can have serious effects on a person. It is something that no child or young person should ever have to experience, and it can change the way a young person sees themselves and others. By knowing how severe bullying can be, what signs to look out for, and how to help a person who is being bullied, we can stop other children from experiencing this also.